HURT ME ONCE SHAME ON YOU...HURT ME TWICE SHAME ON ME
This is a phrase that I would venture to say everyone has heard and/or said at some point. I would also venture to say that we have all been hurt in our lives by someone close to us at least once. When we get hurt there seems to be two different approaches that we can take. The FIRST approach is trying to completely shut others out, and hide our truest selves so we don't end up hurt again. The SECOND approach is continuing to put ourselves out there without caution and boundaries in hopes that someone will accept and embrace us.
In the first approach it seems like a good idea, but the reality is that we actually close ourselves off to everyone (not to just the one that hurt us). What we think is a safe space ends up being a hindering place. When we think that we are just blocking and shutting ourselves out, we don't realize that we are blocking the possibility of healthy relationships out as well.
In the second approach we make ourselves more vulnerable to toxic and unhealthy relationships. The standard for relationships quickly gets lowered and becomes dangerous to our physical, emotional and mental health. What starts out as us showing grace and providing second chances over and over, becomes a place of low self-esteem and unrequited connection.
So the question becomes; how do we not loose faith in relationships with people without making ourselves vulnerable to unhealthy connections?
WE LEARN TO BUILD FENCES NOT BRICK WALLS
Brick Walls: are BARRIERS that we build around ourselves out of fear of getting hurt again. When we build a brick wall we shut ourselves down and shut others out to avoid getting hurt again.
BRICK WALLS BREED ISOLATION
Fences : are BOUNDARIES that allow us to build and maintain healthy relationships. When we build a fence we show others our standards and we keep ourselves open to the possibility of new relationships. We also allow ourselves to say no to toxic and unhealthy relationships, because we have control who comes beyond the fence.
FENCES BREED HEALTHY CONNECTION
RELATIONSHIPS ARE HARD...that is the simple truth of it. However, we as humans were created to have relationships and connections. So instead of allowing the negative and hurtful relationships to define us, let us learn how to define healthy and thriving relationships.
LET'S START BUILDING BOUNDARIES...and STOP CREATING BARRIERS
Until Next Time,